Saying no does not come naturally to me.

My name is Stephen and I am a recovering people pleaser ✋🏻

But because of my work I know that a lot of highly successful people also struggle with saying no. And so, I am trying to get better at it.

In case that is something you are working on, here are a couple of stories I have collected recently that I find helpful.

The first is a story that ex footballer Gary Neville told about advice he got from fellow ex footballer Roy Keene in their playing days. He remembered the advice as a simple phrase:

"No is a complete sentence."

Which, if you know who Roy Keane is, sounds even better in his voice.

I find this challenging because my instinct is to explain or justify saying no to something. But there's no need. Just say no and see what happens.

If that's a bit too harsh, the other day I used a variation: I don't want to.

I had to fight myself not to add to that with explanations and justifications and, later on, the person who I said it to asked me if I was okay. I said: yes thanks. And I smiled.

That person has been really nice to me since. I think this might catch on.

The second story is from investor Naval Ravikant who has shared many a pithy phrase over the years. Apparently when he first gained success he bought the domain name Idon_tdocoffee.com, just so he could email people from that address.

His thinking is that you should be too busy to do coffee, while still maintaining an uncluttered calendar. And he's very wise.

I think this total avoidance of coffee chats is a little extreme for my taste, but the default setting is interesting. The default is no.

And I need to get better at this. Why? Because I now have a full stack of clients and a bulging calendar. Protecting my time, my attention and my energy has become more important than ever before.

In fact, today I have said no to a coffee, an online catchup and a possible 1:1 client.

So, what do you need to say no to today?

Stephen

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